Angie Marie Global

The Hold Audit

A 10-minute mirror that shows you where you hold everyone, and let no one hold you.

Before you begin

You have carried it alone for a long time. The decision, the room, the household, the weight of being the one everyone leans on. You are the strong one, the one who holds it together so well that no one thinks to ask who holds you. And somewhere, holding yourself up started to feel safer than being held.

Who holds you, while you hold everyone else.

You have called it independence. Not wanting to be a burden. It is none of those. It is a weight, and you were never meant to carry it alone. This is not a test. It is a mirror.

How to score

0rarely true1sometimes true2often true3almost always

The twelve

I carry the weight of things alone, even when help is offered.

I am the one everyone leans on, and I lean on no one.

I brace to receive, as if the support might be taken back.

I keep holding the room together long after I am exhausted.

I struggle to let someone do something for me without earning or repaying it.

I downplay how much I am carrying so no one worries.

I keep one hand on everything, unable to fully let go.

I feel safer holding myself up than being held by anyone.

I cannot rest until I know everything is handled.

I deflect care the moment it comes toward me.

I trust myself to hold others far more than I trust being held.

I am the strong one, and I do not know how to put the weight down.

Your total

0 / 36

Answer all twelve and your result appears below.

What your number is showing you

This is not a grade. It is how alone you have been holding it.

The 90 second hold

Hand on chest. Both feet on the floor. Feel the chair, or the ground, holding all of your weight. It is holding you right now, and you are not holding it. Bring to mind the weight you carry, and just for ninety seconds, let something else hold it. Do not pick it back up.

I do not have to hold it all.
I am allowed to be held.

Feel the part of you that braces, that reaches to take the weight back. That bracing is the cost. Let your shoulders come down by one inch. The floor was always going to hold you. You were just never taught to let it.

The doorway

Most people will read this, feel the recognition, and pick the weight straight back up by morning. You do not have to be most people.

Hold is seventeen days where you stop holding yourself up and are held. The floor rises to meet you, the room holds you while the new baseline locks in at depth. You do not hold the baseline here. You let the baseline hold you.

Let yourself be held

I love you, Angie x

P.S. Remember, abundance is your baseline.